douchebags and tools

Nay I totally understand what you're talking about - that was really well put. I think I've taken an my tendency to observe to an extreme since I've been here. I watch students on the street instead of joining them. I go to bookstores and coffee shops alone. I like it when I'm alone where I can watch people. Sometimes I think that I should learn to participate in the world around me but that's sometimes difficult for me to do. The people here are bizarre. The Student Union is just a bar, and there are pre-gaming activities arranged by the dorm and the adults just come and have a drink with the students. And people don't tend to go out on weekends - only weekdays and especially Wednesday. It's just all so weird and forign to me. It's feels strange to go out on pub crawls and play drinking games to disney movies but well...when in rome... I have made some really good friends though - not a lot mind you. Just good ones. We decided that we would all share a flat next year. Of course, this was decided after many vodka and cranberries had transpired and we had just finished singing Mr. Brightside whilt hugging... but I may just hold them to it. One of my favorite passtimes, though, is making fun of the rich people. There are so many of them it's rediculous. Just douchebags EVERYWHAH. There's this guy from Micheal from New York who is loaded and ALL HE TALKS ABOUT is how he got SO WASTED the night before and MADE OUT WITH IS ACADEMC SISTER but he STILL LOVES HIS GIRL FRIEND. Haha, and my friend Sarah afterward is always like "Oh my god. We're in europe. no one cares" I've decided that one of my least favorite things in the world is hearing about other people's drunk nights. They're mostly Americans who do it. I don't care if they give a quick summary but MAN some people go into detail. If I wasn't there I really don't want to know. But people just drink all the time here so it's hard to avoid the annoying 18 year old American babbling about making out with his sister. My classes are tough but mostly because most of it takes place outside of the classroom. We have a few lectures and tutorials. And hundreds of pages of reading to do. It's like Snyder and then some but for 3 classes. I miss you all rediculously and home a little bit but everything here is still passing in such a blur and I'm just trying to catch up. I'm going on a weekend trip to Glencoe with my academic mother and some of her friends. It should be fun :) Soon we must skype and all will be good.

observations/confusion/rambling/etc.

It's just occured to me how strange and unreal this all feels. Even though I'm not living at home, I still don't really feel independent. I feel like the subject of an experiment where people are watching everyone in this school like we were in a giant plastic bubble, taking notes on our behavior. And I feel like I'd be cast in with the variables that turned out to be outliers and taken out of the data. (look at me, stats termonolgy!) I know that sounds like some weird bullshit that my Aunt Carla would say while smoking a joint, but it's how it feels. I just can't seem to get a handle on how I feel about being here; somedays I'm so excited about everything and so happy, and other days I go on walks as far away from campus as I can and call half the people in my contacts and peruse the Amtrax website for train schedules. And it's not even homesickness, that's what's so frustrating, I have no idea what I'm anxious about. I thought maybe it was schoolwork but I'm not overwhelmed on that front right now, and still I feel so strange and off-put. When I think of Portland, just imagine walking down streets that I know and passing farmiliar restaurants and stores, I feel so much more relaxed and calm. But what doesn't make sense is that I've always had anxiety, even when I really was walking down those streets and passing those shops and seeing people I know. But here it's a different kind of anxiety that's less 'depressed' and more high strung and lost. Like the feeling you get when a teacher is explaining a concept to the class and they're all nodding their heads and affirming their comprehension while you're sitting there, still completely lost, but too embarassed to say so because it's obvious that everyone else gets it. That's exactly how I feel here, but instead of a concept of a subject, it's like the concept of how to live in this environment. (excuse me while i go light up another joint...) I say things to people and they just stare at me. And in my head I'm like, "THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO NODD YOUR HEAD AND PRETEND YOU KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IM TALKING ABOUT EVEN THOUGH I PROBABLY SOUND CRAY." But what I've realized most of all is that you guys are just so much more REAL and THERE than the people here. I know that sounds like a generalization and it probably is, but sometimes I'll get back to my room from hanging out with people and I'll just be like, "Wait...what the fuck was that? Was that real, did that just happen? What did we talk about?" I don't know. I know this probably makes no sense and I'm rambling like a crazy rambler rambles but I'm just so confused about ERRYTHANG. My fear is that if I stay here for four years, I'll change and be like all these people that I'm meeting, just totally absent and non-empathetic. (yeah yeah yeah i'm generalizing)And I really don't want that to happen. I don't know. FACK. Sorry for the weirdness of this post, I just feel like I'm going crazy. Also we must skype this weekend! I miss observing the movement of your guys' facial muscles.

Went clubbing. Hold me back guys.

Con Bro Chill Doppelgänger

Hey ladiez. Sophia you sound like you're having a really nice time so far, I am so so glad. I'm jealous about all the coffee shops and such! You should totally get a job at one of the book stores and fall in love with a handsome Scottish boy who works there too. My days here have been very busy but relatively un eventful. I had my date with Will on Saturday (last night) and it was very nice and laid-back. We got dinner at the SUB (the cafeteria)(wooooo exciting) and then went to get frozen yogurt in the proctor district, but we both only had our student cards and forgot money (derp) so we just stole a shit ton of samples it was pretty funny, he said he felt like a criminal heh. And I was like "son i been stealin' fro yo samps since I could WALK." I didn't say that but god, I wish I did! Then we had made plans to go see a movie but we didn't feel like walking all the way to the theater so we just hung out in mah room and talked about books and I showed him my Elliott Smith book and was probably a lil too excited about it but oh well. Then it was pretty late so he went back to his dorm. Nothing happened except a really awkward kiss that I really wasn't expecting because it was just a really strange moment to try and kiss someone, but it was still really sweet. So that was that and then just this morning, I was walking to breakfast and this guy who looked EXACTLY like Con Bro Chill (like the same person it was so bizarre) passed me and was like "that's a really cool sweater, I really like te pocket!" and I was like "uhhhh THANK YOU! I like your shirt as well!" and that was that. In other news, I miss you all so so so much and miss seeing you every day and going to the hof and having sleepovers and making tea in our kitchens.

what's the haps, ladies?

oh my lord, sophia, that all sounds amazing. your adventure trying to get back into the dorm sounds a lot like when i got locked out from the house in england at midnight - after half an hour of wandering around the house looking for a window i ended up lying on the ground, with my arm shoved through the cat door, wacking a stick of bamboo against the lock, begging it to open. and, i kid you not, it was raining. lolz. i'm so glad there are a plethora of coffee shops and bookstores there for you. i hope they meet the standard of the hoff. but you know, though, the hoff wasn't actually all that great, but after a summer of reminiscing about school (wierd) the hoff is remembered as the place where we had all the good conversations, the good laughs, it was the place to escape. it was very homey and familiar. speaking of, i went to rimsky's last night with miles, emma, and kiley. it was strange, to be there without you guys. it felt like i was there 30 years from now, feeling out of place at this place where i used to feel so comfortable. i really miss you all intensely. so, i auditioned for Ablaze. i got a callback, which i'm going to today. but, it's to be considered for "The Fire", which is the vocal orchestra of 8-10 people. so its an ensemble part. which is disappointing. but, i decided to do it anyway, because you know, you gotta start somewhere. and i'll get to sing and do what i love to do, so i shouldn't sacrifice that just because i won't be in the spotlight. HAHA oh, also i saw amanda schenberger/love/whatever her name is, at the audition. that was odd. she always appears to be on the edge of tears...it's unnerving. okay, so, i propose that we write on here or hodgepodge more often. because i miss my best friends. alright. and LETS MAKE A SKYPE DATE SOON. cool. xoxoxoxo

My First Day (ish)

Hey everybody!! We haven't written on this properly for forever so I decided I would take this time to document what's going on with my first few days on Uni. (ha. uni.) Yesterday, my family and I drove down at 10 and moved myself into my room. My room. Is huge. I've got this decorated high ceiling like in an old movie, two big windows (which my desk faces out of), book selves, and wardrobes. I don't have a shower or a bathroom, but there's a secret private one that's just around the corner that I can use. My room mate is just really sweet. Her name is Becca and she's from England. (Boss accent). She didn't move in for forever yesterday so I was sure she was dead. I went out and bought her welcome cookies from the local market for when she arrived. Mostly I just kind of wandered about town. There are so many little bookshops in nooks and tiny allies it's amazing. Loads of coffee shops too. For a Skyline kid, I'm in as much of a city as I can handle. There are pretty much 3 streets in the whole town: South St, Market St, and North St. But I still manage to get lost. My hall, McIntosh is right in the middle of everything bacially. It's just around the corner from the Union (a club/bar/dance area), and from Tescos, and from most of the classes. The hall is pretty neat. We had a manditory meeting today and they were all really funny and nice. They distributed free condoms and their main message to us was "Be a jolly egg. Don't be a dick". Accually. And one of the wardens was like "Look. If you're gonna get pissed (drunk) just clean up after yourself. And don't go peeing in the street. Ladies, I know you think you'll never do it but it happens. And doing it behind a tree doesn't help. I can see your ass for miles." Haha... I've met some really nice people too -- not sure if any of the friendships will stick, but there's a lovely girl from California that reminds me of Sara. Last night...wait for it... yes. I went on a pub crawl. My first pub crawl ever. We were carded everywhere we went. I've never seen so many bouncers. But I used my drivers licence and got in. Everytime we were in a bar I kept on expecting to get kicked out. I got a gin and tonic in the first pub and then just took it easy for the other ones. The girls I hung out with were all really nice and funny. This morning (happy birthday me!!) I woke up at 6:30 and went for a run. On the beach. With the sunrise. Listening to lord of the rings music. I swear to god I almost cried. It's the same beach used in chariots of fire so I felt that I was doing the right thing. I got back, and realized that the door to the hall was closed...and locked... I mean, I had my keys so I tried to open the door several times and failed (turns out I was pulling when I should have been pushing...ugh embarassing... so I sat on the steps (at 7:30 in the morning, mind) and waited for someone to come out....when someone did I snaged the door and was going jollily on my way until I hit the next door... which required a swip from my metriculation card... which was in my room. I sprinted back out to catch the girl who had originally opened the door and played the dumb fresher. I got in eventually but it was an adventure :) When I got in, I took an awkwardly handled shower, then got dressed in my favorite sweater, then took another walk. I got coffee and read a book. Then I went on a walking tour and met more nice people. Not everyone is nice, though most people are. The people you have to look out for are the "Yahs" and the "LADS" Yahs are really posh rich people that wear tweed and seem to almost dominate st. a. It's creepy. Look up "Gap Yah" on youtube for an example. Lads are just really annoying yet still very intimidating jock-like bros. Like the guys that were leaning outside of their window yesterday night drunkenly yelling after me "FRESHAAA WUZZUP FRESHAAA" My room mate got me a card and a cupcake for my birthday which was so so sweet. I haven't really done much for my birthday. I said goodbye to my family, which was tough but rushed so I didn't cry or anything. But I just felt kind of emotionally drained. I joined the gym but it's like a 20 min walk out of town. Haha. Tonight there is Clan Warfare, which is a party where the different halls 'battle'. It includes drinking and facepaint. I'm going to try to get tickets to that. I also want to sign up for the Friday Bop too. Which includes cheesey 80s music. So there. I miss you guys. Let's make more posts like this so that we know what each other's doing. I want to knoww!!! Sophia