Eating By The Florescent Light Of Junior Hallway.

There I was.

In the slight smelliness and loud chatteringness that is the subdivision of junior hall. I don't know if I'll ever get to finish eating my sandwich...There are children...everywhere. Impatiently leaping over my feet. Fleetingly glancing over their juiceboxes. Loudly and obnoxiously commenting on the "grodiness" of the hallway. Across the dusty floor, I see one eating pudding and one eating a pre-thanksgiving sandwich...They're pretty good-looking. Contemplating the best method to tackle the sandwich, navigating the spoon through the teeny plastic carton....

I just don't know if I'll ever be able to finish my sandwich....

But if I choke on the lettuce, just know, that I have always loved you. You are the chocolate milkshake to my french fries. No matter how many children trip over my abnormally large feet. You complete me. Just know that.

Reading By The Green Light of the Exit Sign

Here I am.

In the darkness and warmth that is Shitty Bean. I don't know if I'll get out of this alive. There are monkeys... everywhere. In front of me. Behind me. Next to me. My shoulder is pressed up against the only one that has made contact. It's... soft. The one in front seems to have jewelry around it's fingers and wrists. They're... beautiful. One looks at me and seems to stretch its mouth into a smile -- or is it a snarl?

I'm not sure how I'll ever survive this.

But just know that if I die, I have always loved you. You are the light of my life. And these monkeys can never extinguish that light, no matter how softly they mumble.

But most importantly, just know that

PIL CHAMPS!!!!!

Heck yes we won our volleyball game!!! We got first in PIL!!! yay!!! I'm so happy right now!!!!!
just thought you should know.... and its 9:40... off to do homework... what a victory celebration

Bottle up and explode

Hey guys.

So I'm sure you all remeber, since it was only recently, that we were all talking about how very stressed out we were. Well. That stress has now reached an all-time high for me and it is literally eating my fucking brains out. (I appologize in advance for this post, it's going to be a very long, melodramatic rant.) So first of all, yearbook is making me crazy with its short-notice deadlines. She changes the dead lines. All the time. She expects us to be able to get quotes, pictures, headlines, captions, etc. for a ton of different spreads within short weeks. What she doesn't realize is that WE HAVE OTHER CLASSES. WE HAVE OTHER HOMEWORK. We can't spend every waking hour lurking around, waiting for a football player to look intense so we can take his picture. Oooh on that note, would any of you that are in TOK maybe take some pictures while you're in class? (I only need one or two) OR let other kids in your class know? That would be really really super helpfull because I don't have a time where I can miss one of my classes to take pictures of that class. Again I only need a couple. Super quick. Spread the word. I sound really annoying so I'm going to get off that subject.

The other thing is math. I honestly am trying really hard to do well this year, but I just do not get it. I feel so very stupid in that class. I do all of my homework and I take notes, I participate in class, blah blah blah. I do these things, and I think I get it and I'm like, "Yes! I got it! This is so simple!" Then I took this quiz and I got a terrible score. It was such a slap in the face because I thought I was doing really well! Anyways now I am super stressed about that class too because whenever I think I am doing well, I might actually be doing really poorly. So that just sucks.

There's a lot more but I am starting to sound really annoying to myself so. I'm gonna go live in a tree in the middle of a forest in South America, if anyone needs me.

Sorry for blatant melodramatic-ness of this post, guys!
Elaina

Hermy. Whachu been eatin'?

Let me let you into my head

Well I guess here you go
ughh.... This year sucks so far. I'm doing fine (for what I know) in all of my classes but I just don't feel in it. Like nothing is right... I don't know. I never have any any time ever because I play so many sports all of the time and you guys always get to hang out if not after school during first period or during teching stuff and I just feel like I'm alienating myself because I never have time and then when I try to make plans (i.e. race for the cure, next weekend pumpkin patch/maze) it never works out because you guys are busy then... I know I still hang out with you guys somewhat during school and at lunch but thats not really anything. I don't I may just be over dramatic and I'm not trying to create any drama by any means... I don't really know, with like the whole flarp thing and hodgepodge thing I just never know what you guys are ever talking about and its not like you could do anything about it. I was gone all summer and do way different things then you guys so I'm always separate and busy, which just flat out sucks and I hate it and I'm almost regretting playing volleyball because of it sometimes (that and I've not been playing well lately which is just really frustrating). I know our schedules are never going to mash because the only time I'm free will be in the spring and I think you guys are all doing the play so that will be even more great. I really try to stay close to you guys with this and everything but its really hard for me (and I'm sure you guys too)... Anywho thanks for coming to my games and stuff, I really like that a lot and it makes me feel good, and I can't wait for the concert even though we may not be able to do anything after.
I think its mostly my fault for not being a super like sharing and open person... you guys barely even know about my trip... which is just ridiculous. So on top of school and sports right now I'm gonna try to fit you guys so I can get back in the group... thanks for letting me spill my heart and than reading it... I guess I should be getting homework done since its 10 and I got home half an hour ago (from a game we won) and have to be to school extra early tomorrow and get sleep...
Love you guys,
Hailey

creatively made by me =]

I wish I had a river I could sail away on

Right now I'm being very bad - I'm avoiding my psych homework which is to summarize an article on the "teen brain" for which I have to give a short speech on tomorrow. Where the hell did the three day weekend go?

Anyways. I'm reading this book called Ricochet River in english (blah), and its about three teenagers who live in a teeny town in Oregon and go on long drives through the country and to the city. At the end of the book, they decide on a whim to take a year off before college and take a sailboat down the river out to the ocean or wherever it takes them. Yeah, so its kind of cliche. But doesn't that sound so tempting? To just completely let go of all the obligations and expectations and wants and needs and limitations and just....let it happen. Let whatever happens happen. To not know where you're going or when you're coming back. When I think about that it makes all the millions of little things I worry about sound very trivial...but then I think about it some more and the anxiety begins to come back - speaking of which, I have an article to summarize.

Sigh.

Slow Down, You Crazy Child

As a person of moderate intelligence, it has of course come to my attention that sometimes all you really need to get through a mentally difficult time is follow a nice little list. I am very much a list person and I use them whenever possible. Is it partly a form of procrastination? Maybe. Well, yes. But mainly it lets you sit and really stare at the written word that will tell you what to do and when you have crossed off the last stupid little task that you have given yourself you will feel accomplished, free, whole...
Until you make the next one that is. :)
Here's my feel better list.

1. Take a shower. Yes, it sounds cliche but it is indeed a necessary step to calm the fuck down. When I shower it's so... ugh, I can't believe I'm saying this -- cleansing. All of the dust and germs get washed down a drain and all of your worries seem to fall down there, too. Turn the nob as hot as you can take it and close your eyes and let it pound down on your face, hair, and neck. And just stand there. It numbs everything in you and all you can hear and think about is the rhythmic drumming of the water on your face. Clean everything. Start at the top and work yourself down. Getting the nails and every nook and cranny that you might have looked over before. This is not going to be a quick shower. Next best part is when you step out of the shower into the cold -- but instead of dashing to the towels, let the cold nip at your ankles and poke and prod at your back. Then take the towel wrap it around you. Operation shower is complete.
2. Surround yourself with nice smells. This means lotion, hair product, candles. Hell, Frebreze the room if that's what rocks your boat. Try to stay away from really strong smells though -- no perfume this time. Just subtle reminders that you could be smelling a hell of a lot worse then you do now. Scent is a sense that we often take for granted. I mean, if I had to choose between touch and scent I would go touch without thinking -- but after you think you realize that smelling things often brings feelings out of you that are larger than that of taste or feel. Whenever I'm upset, I bury my face in my pillow -- not because of it's soft feel, but for the scent of comfort.
3. Now for the nice touch. Next, surround yourself with comfortable clothes. This doesn't mean sweats, necessarily. I'm just as comfortable in jeans. If you feel freer in a long skirt, so be it. Just something that you feel you in. Your not there to impress anyone of keep up an appearance. This is just you. If you wanna go naked -- fine. Don't tell me and I won't judge.
4. Music. Seeing a pattern here? All of your senses have to be content before you can start on this calming process. This is almost methodical and soothing it itself -- going through each sense and giving them what they want. So now it's hearing's turn. Turn on quiet music. Yes, heavy metal has it's purposes, and it can release tension, but this time go for nice and easy. Me being me, I go for my rain or ocean sound track. The fact that it makes you want to pee is complete crap. We live in Portland for christsake. If I needed to pee every time I heard rain I'd be in big trouble. Sorry -- Just put on some nice music and try to drown out the man made -- airplanes, cars etc. If you are lucky enough to be in a place where the birds are there for music, then they will work just fine. Music has a great way of creeping through your ears to your brain and working out the knots that are in there -- like a massage.
5. Tea. I don't care if you are a coffee person. It. Doesn't. Matter. Tea is truly a magic thing. It is the bridger to all gaps and the soother to all tears. You can make it whatever tea you want. Herbal is preferable. But make it hot and in a nice mug that you can wrap your hands around. You're not allowed to say you don't like tea because there are too many frickin' flavors to choose from that you can't possibly not like everyone of them.
6. Now relax. Here's the tricky part. Find something to do that will allow yourself to loose yourself. Movies aren't the only thing out there. Is it okay to settle down to a nice feel good movie in order to wind down? Yes, of course. But there are tuns of other things to do. Play around with them.

• Read a good book - Escaping from this world into one of a book is sometimes the only way for me to relax. Reading a book cover to cover with hot tea in my hand is somehow so cheesy that it makes me feel so good.
• Go through old family pictures - Another form of escape, but instead to your past. Looking at people in those black and white pictures kind of reasures you that all of the issues your going through are probably pretty similar to what they went through in their lives. And you are proof that they're life worked out pretty well.
• Breathe deeply - Sometimes just concentrating on your breathing can calm you down. Count breaths and close your eyes. Hey -- it works.
• Talk to or Hang out with friends - Sometimes just spilling your guts to someone is the only way to figure out what's going on in your head. As you speak you'll begin to understand as you go along. Being with friends is also a great way of getting away from all of that.
• Take a long walk. - There is nothing more calming to me then taking a walk. It basically is the time to clear your head and get humbled by that oh so kind Nature. She will remind you that She's a lot more important than your troubles.
• Write.
• Simple chores. Sometimes doing something methodical and easy to achieve is the best way to relax.
• Cry.
• Sleep.

Wow. This turned out longer then I meant it to be. I was just trying to clear my head myself. And it worked. Thanks guys!

Frodo... Don't Wear The Ring

Discreetness is beauty

Haha okay so I told some of you but I thought this was hilarious

On the way home from my volleyball game (which we won. woot) we were following this motorcycle guy with a girl- most likely his girlfriend on the back in old townish area. I could see that they were holding a bag but didn't know of what and then my mom says that she's lovin the discreetness of the people in front of us because they were holding a fantasy: for adults only bag! Haha. i just feel like that's embarassing.... Anyway it made my night..

And then we passed a sign that said Cabaret and my dad got really excited cause he thought it was the musical coming and it then the sign flashed two girl show and he realized it was an actual cabaret... haha oh my dad....

LOVE, Hailey <3

Ooo. New band

Ooo. Look guys. New band found in my radar: Mumford & Sons.

Ooo.

Oh yeah

Oh and thanks for the tunes Drew. :)

Starry Night and Crazy Homeless People

I think my favorite painting is Van Gogh's Starry Night. Every time I look at it I get something new from it...

I don't know it's just fantastic.

I just got back from my birthday outing with my Godmother and she took me to breakfast and shopping for posters and stuff... It was a lot of fun and I got a couple cool posters. But in the parking lot there was this homeless guy. See, the old homeless guys are fine -- weird but fine. It's the younger ones, like 15-25, that freak me out. This guy comes up to us and is like, do you have any change? And we're all, no sorry. He goes away and then wanders back suddenly and yells "You rich bitches! Stop living off your men!" and starts yelling at us like that and then suddenly I'm like, "OI! STUFF IT YOU JERK! EVER OCCUR TO YOU SHE EARNS HER OWN MONEY?"

....

Out loud.

Oh shit.

The guy starts like mumbling stuff and my godmother starts laughing and drives away really fast in case he decided to come over. Oh it was so embarrassing... I can't believe I said that out loud to someone... He just... I dunno pushed the wrong buttons I guess... Ughhhh. Sooo embarrassing.

Sigh. I'm off to do homework.

Aaaand SAFE

Oh my god this week is finally over.  How bizarre that everyone had such a bad bad week... oh well it's OVER.

Right now I'm writing my TOK monthly paper, or whatever... It's interesting but mine's not that great. I'm talking about the definition of art and it's kinda fun. I'm curious as to what your guy's opinion on that is... so speak to it in your posts please if you don't mind.

CHARLIE BUTTONS is now officially moved in!! He's so adorable and I can't wait for you to meet him. But that also means that there's a lot of work to do in the barn. Awesome.

Sorry for the short post.
Loads of shit to do. (hahaa. Not literally)

ThatOneGirl

Elliott Street

Hey all.

So it appears that we are all in agreement that this week was an epic failure. I don't know what it was, but it seems like everyone else I talked to was having a really bad week as well. Being sick doesn't really make it too much better. I've been super stressed out lately, and my Mom and I were talking about it and she thinks I should see a phycologist...? So yeah. It's going to suck, but maybe I can get my hands on some Valium, or something! (just kidding.) Anyhow. I came home from school today and my older brother was home which made me happy because I haven't seen him for a week or so. He was like, "I saw that you had a Lincoln High School 1986 yearbook in your room." I was like, "Oh yeah. I stole it." He was like, "I figured hahaha. Steve." I was like, "Yeah. I'm proud of myself." Then we were on the porch and he was like, "You know...if you like Elliott Smith memerobilia, I should get you the Elliott Street sign. He named himself after it." I was like, "Yes I know! But don't steal the sign!" He was like, "Whatever. I'm going to steal it and give it to you for your birthday. Or Christmas." So...I guess we're just a family of Elliott Smith theives. I'm so proud of this.
But I'm still kind of bummed out. So hopefully this weekend is better. I'm feeling good right now. But that's probably a result of some magical liquids so...I'm going to go watch Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and drown myself in self-pity.
See you guys (Sophia and Fiona) at school tomorrow. And Hailey, we all need to hang out soon. I am super excited for the pumpkin patch and The Script concert! I miss hanging out with you!! Whenever you have a free day or afternoon or evening or whatever, let me know, so we can all do something. <3

Good day. I said good day. (hah...)
Elaina.