hi.

My dearest darlings, First of all, Sophia, you always make me cry with your descriptions of fantasy shenanigans and such. That was beautiful. Secondly, Hailey your post made me really happy. We're a good lookin' bunch, eh? And thirdly, Elaina, I love your brain. I feel as though I haven't conversed with you in so long. I've been wanting to call or message but so much has been going on and I feel like my brain is so crowded that I don't even have the energy most times to sit down and try to sort though all of these thoughts. WHEW. That all sounds like I'm going through a mental breakdown or something (well, actually this past weekend I sort of did - i will explain) but NOW I'm actually pretty fine. I mean, i'm mostly happy. Hah...I guess I won't commit to saying I'm totally happy though. See, before this past weekend I had been in quite a funk. I was feeling really really unmotivated and depressed and my lil' ol' self-esteem was just really hitting a low point...it was a combination of many factors, including my stress about school and not having a job since I'm not with Muse and my parents haven't been getting along lately and blah blah so on and so forth. I was just going down in this spiral of self-deprecation and inertia (ooooh the agonyyy) (gawd) (also ~word choice props~) and all this tension in my family just kept building and building until it blew up this weekend, when, long story short, my parents and I had a huge fight on friday night and then on saturday morning they sat me down and said I had to find a job in a month or else I'd have to find another place to live (you're probably thinking, like I did, whhhoa harsh, but later they took that back and said they wouldn't actually kick me out so it's cool) and so now I'm on the hunt for a crap job! woooo. and i'm still working on my application for sou. I've been really procrastinating that. I just have the personal essay part left. I don't really know why, but its been really hard to think about what I would write about, and since my self-esteem has been so low I haven't really wanted to think about myself at all. BUT no more avoiding. I think I definitely needed for everything to blow up and to just cry and cry and for someone to just shake me out of this funk. So I feel clearer now. And much happier. Just more stressed - but good stress. I think the ablaze rehearsals have definitely helped give me some direction and motivation. I'm really enjoying it. I was afraid in the beginning that I wouldn't like any of the people, because they reeeally overwhelmed me at first with their gregarious outgoing personalities and random outbursts of every song from every musical ever. And that hasn't really ceased, but i've gotten used to it. And man, it's hard work. But it's still fun. so. sorry for that long and winding rant... I'm just going to say things more often, so then they don't become long and winding! Anyways, love love love, Fi